News & Notes

The first day of school, our entire community gathered in the gym for our annual Opening Day Assembly. After we greeted and welcomed each of our new students and faculty/staff, Head of School Doug Norry offered a few words about this year. Below are excerpts from his remarks.

Doesn’t this gym floor look beautiful? This summer it was completely redone. It was scraped and sanded; then every line and logo needed to be painted before adding two coats of sealant and waiting a week for everything to dry. It’s a multi-step process that takes a while, and we couldn’t start the project until summer camp ended, so timing was tight.

Thirteen days ago, I walked in to check on their progress, and my heart skipped a beat. The painters were using the wrong colors. Yellow, not gold, and a much lighter purple. I could feel my blood pressure rising and my mind racing.

While I’m not proud of this, the first question that came to my mind was, “Whose fault is this?” Knowing that I’m not the first person to ever have asked this question, I’d like to pause here and share two things. First, lots of different people were at fault, including me. This idea that fault lands squarely with one person, it’s rarely the case. When students are involved in a serious conflict, you’re typically sent to Ms. Ditmore, or Ms. V, or Ms. McAllister, or me. Once we’ve had time to unpack the situation, we always seem to agree that both “sides” made regrettable choices. Everyone could have shown more compassion, and everyone has a responsibility to make things right.

Second, and this is the far more important point, in this case, it didn’t matter whose fault it was. Answering that question wasn’t going to help get the gym painted in time for school. I realize that our society can seem intently focused on assigning blame. In our legal system, people are found either innocent or guilty. But in so many cases that, thankfully, don’t end up in court, it’s just not that simple, and it’s really not productive to view conflict through that lens.

Whose fault is this? Luckily, my mind kept racing, and I remembered one of the most impactful professional development sessions that I’ve ever attended. I was 19 years old, enjoying my first summer as a camp counselor. A man spoke to us about how to make camp fun for all kids. He had limitless energy and lots of wacky suggestions. Then he asked what we should do when things go wrong, and he shared that he always starts with the same four words: What are our options? What are our options? So simple, and yet so profound when it comes to moving forward.

I actually asked the painter this exact question. He called his boss. We had new paint within 24 hours. His crew worked both Saturday and Sunday to get us back on schedule, and we were able to set foot in this space for the first time yesterday. In short, we collaborated. At every turn, I expressed appreciation and gratitude for how he and his team responded and made it work.

We talk to you a lot about being resilient when faced with setbacks, conflict, or unexpected hurdles. My suggestion to you is this: train your brain to start with a different four words. Instead of “Whose fault is this?”, ask “What are our options?” Then focus on collaborating, be sure to listen, and show gratitude. I truly believe that, both at TDS and beyond, relying on these four words will help you overcome problems and conflict, build stronger relationships, and find joy more readily. Put another way, they can alter the trajectory of your life.

Have a great year.